


Dreamlike Candlelight

by lovelyfanfiction



Series: Life of Alexia Hamilton [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jamilton - Freeform, Linnamon Roll, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Self-Harm, female!Alexander Hamilton, idk what im doing anymore, lams (mentioned), no one asked for this, panick attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2018-10-25 10:29:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 16,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10762416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelyfanfiction/pseuds/lovelyfanfiction
Summary: Alexia Hamilton has been through a lot. Her father left, her mother died, her cousin commited suicide. She has been through some shitty foster homes. Will she make it through this one. Or AKA the foster fic no one asked for.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: RAPE, CHILD ABUSE, PANICK ATTACKS. IF THESE THINGS MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE OR UPSET, LEAVE IMMEDIATELY.  
> Alright this is shitty. Please tell me about typos that I missed.

Alexia sat in her tiny room, listening to Mr. and Mrs. Lee scream and hit each other from down the hall. Would they ever stop fighting? That seemed to be her new motto at the moment. She then looked at her small body in the mirror, and instantly winced. He face and arms were covered in large black and blue bruises, caused by none other than Mr. Lee. Then she looked at her eyes. Those eyes. Her first foster family, the Stevens, always complimented her eyes. "Bright, determined, passionate," were the words they used to use. But now they were dull. The light had left them a long time ago, when the hurricane killed everyone she knew and loved.

  
She was snapped back to reality when the door swung open, and she whipped around to the sight of Mr. Lee, obviously fuming. She held back a wince. She already knew what was coming.

  
"Looking at your slutty face, I see," he snarled. "Speaking of being a slut, get down on your knees, kid, before I fucking make you."

  
She instantly obliged, dropping down to her knees. She could feel her pants being ripped down, and choked down a sob. She then heard the zipper of jeans, and the plop of jeans on the ratty carpet. She closed her eyes, pretty much waiting for Mr. Lee to start thrusting into her. She was met with silence, and she let out a tiny whimper that only she could hear. Mr. Lee was more dangerous when he waited for a moment, to send her into panic mode, then start beating her to a pulp or thrust into her.

  
She let out a scream of shock and pain as Mr. Lee suddenly thrust his cock into her, and kept up the fast pace. He eventually grabbed her by the hair, pulled her onto the tiny bed, and pinned her wrists to the headboard. He still kept up the pace, and when he eventually forced her to grab his cock, he came into her. She was then kicked in the ribs hard, and then was left alone. She quietly sobbed. Why did this have to be how she lived? She would sit and starve in her room, once in a while get raped or beaten, then left once again. She felt like a tool. A small tool that was being used. Maybe she could escape...? It would be risky, but easy. She would climb out the window, run as fast as she could to her socail worker's house, then tell him what happened. She loved her social worker, Jonathan Groff (yasss GroffSauce). He always held her when she would sob after she was thrown out. He would try his best to find a better home, but it was always the same. They would seem super warm and welcoming at first, then one little slip up, and their true colors would show. She finally made her decision. She had to get out of here. And quick.

Alexia ran as fast as she could along the sidewalk, looking behind her multiple times. She had to push down the ripped up plaid dress that she wore plenty, but it was still worth it when she made it to Jon's home without any injury. She knocked on the door quietly, just in case he was asleep. It was the dead of night, and she didn't expect him to be awake at this hour. But she was met with a pleasant suprise (i used to think it was spelled 'surprise') when Jon came to the door, looking tired, shocked, and concerned all at the same time.

  
"Alexia, what happened?" He said softly. She knew that he was trying not to provoke her mixed emotions.

  
"Um, Mr. Lee..." she choked down a sob, then barely above a whisper, she muttered, "raped me."

  
Jon let out a gasp probably loud enough to wake the whole street, and he quickly ushered her inside. He sat her down on the couch. She noticed how it was super soft, and she relaxed a bit. But she could still feel the hot tears beginning to slip down her bruised cheeks. She then felt Jon embrace her, and he sat down beside her, relaxing into the couch. She snuggled into his chest, and finally let down the sobs she had kept hidden in the back of her throat. She could feel fingers moving through her ginger hair, and could hear soothing nonsense being whispered to her. Jon always seemed to know how to calm her down. Soon enough, she had stopped crying, and her eyes were drooping.  
"You can fall asleep if you want," he whispered lovingly to her. She had been told by him that he thought of her as his own daughter. She wished that she was his daughter.  
She nodded sleepily, and she fell asleep quite quickly, snuggled into Jon's warm chest.

  
****

  
Jon could hardly believe this. Alexia had stumbled into his house, having more bruises than he remembered. Then she claimed that her foster father, Mr. Lee, had RAPED her. The word had echoed in his mind. Funny how one little word could have such a huge effect. A twelve year old girl, being forced to have sex with a fifty year old man. He couldn't bare that thought. So he quickly pulled her into the house, and let her sob into his chest until she eventually snuggled into his chest and fell asleep.

  
He smiled sadly at the small bundle in his arms. She was so innocent, and she didn't deserve anything that was happening to her. He gently picked up her arm, and looked at it. There were many bruises, handprints, and cuts. Then his eyes flickered to the cuts on her wrist. He winced a bit. All of them looked as if they had been self-inflicted. As he was examining, Alexia let out a tiny snuffle in her sleep, and snuggled closer. He got up slowly, let her lay her head on the armrest, and draped a fluffy blanket over her. He then rushed to grab his cell phone, and called his best friend, Lin.

  
"Hello?" a voice on the other end sleepily muttered. "Jon, it is like, four in the morning."

  
"Hey Lin. Um, so you know that girl I have a case for? Well she just stumbled into my house with more cuts and bruises than I can imagine possible, and claimed her foster father raped her," Jon rambled, his voice getting high-pitched as his eyes teared up.

  
The phone must have been on speaker on the other end, because he heard Vanessa mutter a "Oh my God." Then he heard quick whispers, then a "Are you ready for this?" He almost gasped. Maybe they were willing to take her in for a bit. Maybe even foster her. Or even better, adopt her.

  
"We'll be right over," Lin said quickly, and hung up.

  
Jon decided he should check on Alexia. She was prone to panick attacks, and he wanted to be there with her when they happened. He couldn't even imagine what the Lees' did when she had a panick attack. Probably kicked her to the ground and laughed at her. He shook his head of these dreadful thoughts, and tip-toed into his living room. She was barely awake, shivering a bit, and making grabby-hands at a stuffed turtle on the table in front of her. She was obviously too delirious to understand what was going on. He chuckled, and gave the stuffed turtle to her. She grabbed his arms after, and pulled him towards her. He smiled sadly at her, lifted her up so that her legs were wrapped around his waist and her head resting on his shoulder, and began to carry her up the stairs to a guest bedroom. She let out a tiny whimper, and must've been terrified, because he could feel her stiffen. He gave her a tiny kiss on the forehead, which made her relax. She still held on to the stuffed turtle. He let out a tiny laugh as she dropped it, and whined. He bent down and grabbed it for her, and she smiled really wide. He had not seen that smile in ages.

  
He finally made it to the guest room, and set her down gently. She instantly snuggled into the warm blankets, gripping on to the turtle. He sat down on the bed with her, and her eyes widened. He watched fear flicker across her features.

  
"It's alright, I'm just going to snuggle with you for a bit. It's Jon, ok?" She nodded, visibly relaxing. She then inched closer to him, and looked for approval. He nodded, and pulled her into his lap. He let his head rest against the pillows, and Alexia snuggled into his chest. He smiled softly, and kissed her forehead. His phone buzzed right after she had fallen asleep, and he noticed it was from Lin.

  
_Lin the Hamman: Hey Jon, it's Lin. Wanted to tell you that we are here, but we weren't sure if she was sleeping or not._

  
_GroffSauce: The door is unlocked, you can come in. But come in as quietly as possible, because she is sleeping. I'm in the guest room cuddling with her <3\. _  
_Lin: k we r coming. and i can't wait to see that <3_

  
Jon chuckled, and looked down once again at Alexia's pale, freckled face. There were so many bruises on her cheeks. And handprints. They were huge, obviously the doings of Mr. Lee. But he focused on the positive things. Her freckles were like millions of stars dotted across the sky.

  
He was snapped from his trance when he heard the door slowly open, and he looked up to see Lin and Vanessa looking on with wide and shocked eyes. Alexia must have woken up, because she looked up with sleepy blue eyes. His phone buzzed.

  
_Lin: Omg she is so cutee!! <3 But I can see the bruises and it is so sad that someone did that to her. But she also looks like a guy I wrote a show about._

  
_GroffSauce: I saw that too. Ginger hair, blue eyes, short, slim face, everything. She is super cute and innocent. She is a cinnamon roll when you get on her good side. But don't touch her. She can easily get triggered into a panick attack._

  
_Lin: ok i'll keep that in mind. ty for telling me_

  
Jon looked at Alexia, who was now looking at Lin and Vanessa with suprised looks. She probably had heard of them. They were very famous because of Hamilton, after all. Her blue eyes were still dull, but she still looked genuinly confused.

  
"What is going on?" She finally managed to squeak out. He hated how she was so scared to be near such nice people. _What did the Lees' do to her?_

  
"I just have a friend that wanted to come visit you! Say hi to Lin and Vanessa," he said as cheerfully as possible.

  
Lin and Vanessa waved, and she waved back. She looked up at Lin, and smiled a bit. Jon's heart fluttered. He knew they were going to be close. Something just seemed to click between them. Lin walked over cautiously, and Alexia didn't seem to flinch. Jon still held her, though, just in case. Lin knelt down beside her, and whispered something in her ear.

  
"We are going to get you out of there, ok? You'll be safe with us." Lin whispered. A few emotions Jon couldn't identify flickered across her blue eyes, but she still nodded. Vanessa walked over and patted Lin's back, who was now beginning to tear up. Jon got up, and muttered a "be right back" before pushing them out of the room.

  
"Alright, so you want to foster her? We seriously need to get her out of that household, and quickly." Jon rambled.

  
Vanessa looked at Lin, and Lin nodded. "I think we are ready to take on a child. She looks about ten, but how old is she?"

  
Jon flinched a bit, but didn't take offense. It was true that she looked very short for her age. "She is actually twelve. She is pretty short for her age."

  
Lin and Vanessa nodded. "She is so cute though!" Vanessa squealed, and Lin chuckled.

  
Then what happened next all happeed too fast. He heard an ear-piercing scream, and then a man's voice. He practically threw himself into the room, and he saw something he hopes never to see again. There was Mr. Lee, beating the shit out of Alexia. He then tackled Mr. Lee off of her, and pinned him to the ground.

  
"Stay away from her! It's obvious she is terrified of you!" Jon screamed at Lee. Lee eventually kicked him off, and grabbed Alexia by the hair.

  
"Don't you EVER try to leave my house again, you slut!" Lee screamed at her, and Jon watched as he punched her in the face, and she passed out right then and there.

  
"Oh my god!" Jon screamed racing over to Alexia. "Just wake up for me, please!" Jon shook her, with no response. Then he heard sirens. Lin must've called 911. Lee obviously heard them too, because his eyes widened. Jon grabbed his wrist, anger coursing through his veins.

  
"Hands up, Lee!" he heard a police shout. He hadn't even noticed then coming in. He was holding a now shivery Alexia. She had waken up, and was now staring on with wide eyes. She would probably never see him the same way again (in a good way).

  
****

  
She could hardly breathe. Mr. Lee had gotten arrested for child abuse and sexual assault, but she still couldn't help but wonder. What if he finds me? She had to tell her self to breathe. _"Un deux trois quatre cinq six sept huit neuf..."_ she repeated this multiple times before her breath finally went back to normal. She had been given a sweet cinnamon roll, courtesy (idk how to spell shit) of Vanessa. She already seemed to like the couple. But she shouldn't get her hopes up. Mr. Lee would find a way to get her back to him. She just knew it.

  
"Alexia, Lin and Vanessa would like to talk to you," Jon muttered to her, and she stiffened. The only thing she could feel right now was fear. _What could they possibly want to talk to me about? Or beat me about?_ Jon must've sensed her fear, because he whispered "It's going to be ok. They would never hurt you."

  
She got up slowly, and cautiously walked towards the room that Lin was in. Lin lit up when he saw her, and she relaxed a bit. She liked Lin. He seemed pretty nice. She watched as he picked up a file, and looked at the last name with a bit of shock.

  
"Hmm, Alexia Hamilton. Nice last name," He smiled, and she gave him a weak smile in return. "Do you want to sit next to me?" Lin offered. Alexia nodded, and walked over slowly, and then relaxed next to him. She took a glance at the file, and stiffened a bit. It was a list of all that has happened to her. She couldn't help but read through it.

  
_Alexia Hamilton_   
_Age:12_  
_Height:4'4_  
_Weight:47lbs_  
_From: St. Croix_  
_Info: Father is unknown. May have been James Hamilton Sr. Left at age 7. Mother is Rachel Hamilton. Died when Alexia was 9. List of foster homes v_  
_The Stevens: Killed in hurricane_  
_The Browns: LEft because of 'violent behavior'_  
_The Kings: Sexual assault_  
_The Lees: Sexual assault and abuse_

  
There were now tears rolling down her cheeks, and Lin was hugging her. She snuggled towards him without thinking, and fell asleep once again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexia finally makes it to a foster home that she will probably never forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: MENTIONS OF MAJOR INJURIES AND CHILD ABUSE. IF THIS MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE OR UPSET, LEAVE IMMEDIATELY.  
> Also, hope you enjoy!! :)

Lin read the file in shock. This girl had gone through so much in her twelve years of life. Not only that, but it was so similar to Alexander Hamilton's life. He couldn't wait to tell Hamilton (he saw the ghost of Hamilton on a regular basis, usually just to chat, that kind of stuff). He couldn't help but look at the bruises on her face. Then that's when he noticed it. There was a large handprint on her neck, and then there was a long, fresh cut along it. He ripped out his phone and sent a quick text.

  
_Lin the Hamman: Jon you better get in here quick. I just noticed a fresh cut on her neck._

  
_GroffSauce: I'm coming. Vanessa is downstairs doing a lot of paperwork._

  
Lin began to panic, but stayed still so that Alexia wouldn't wake up. He heard loud feet racing up the stairs, and then the door swung open. Suprisingly, Alexia didn't wake up. She must be a heavy sleeper.

  
"Alright, let me see it," Jon whispered, noting that Alexia was asleep. Lin gently picked her up, and set her into a more comfortable position, but one where Jon could see the cut. "Oh my God. There is a handprint too," Jon gasped, tracing his finger along the cut.

  
"May have been from the attack last night. The thing is I didn't see any blood when I was calling the police," Lin whispered, pulling Alexia's ginger hair away from her face.

  
"I'll go get something to put on it. Hopefully it won't wake her up," Jon whispered, and before Lin could say anything, he was out the door.

  
Well, things went downhill from there. Alexia woke up when Jon was almost done bandaging her neck, and let out an ear-piercing scream. She practically leapt out of Lin's arms, and sat down in the corner, curling in on herself.

  
Lin instantly got up, worry fogging his brain, and bent down next to her.

  
"It's alright, ok? It's Lin and Jon. We are not going to hurt you, ok? Just listen to my breathing and counting. _Uno dos tres cuatro cinco seis siete ocho nueve diez_..." Lin counted, and eventually her breathing went back to normal, which cleared away the worry. He picked her up, with permission of course, and sat back down on the couch, where Jon finished bandaging her neck. Lin couldn't help but wonder when he would get to take her to his house, and give her the best life possible.

  
****

  
Alexia couldn't believe it. She would be heading to Lin and Vanessa's house in a few hours. Well, she was going on the drive now, but she would be there in a few hours. The whole ride, they didn't ask her any personal questions, which she was thankful for. Then Lin asked a question with a smug grin.

  
"Have you heard of the musical Hamilton?" Lin asked, a grin on his face.

  
"Yes, but I've only ever been able to listen to a few songs, because- Wait, aren't you the person who wrote it? Oh shit-" Alexia said enthusiastically.

  
"Language!" Vanessa squeaked, and Alexia laughed. She was already liking these people. Which was extremely strange. Usually, she was very cautious at first, afraid that the family wouldn't like her. But these were Jon's friends. She could trust them. She was suddenly handed a bag of Lays chips, which she took gratefully.

  
"Thank you!" She managed to squeak out, and she giggled when Vanessa tickled her bruised leg playfully. She ate the chips quickly, considering how starving she was. She then quickly fell asleep, cuddling the stuffed turtle Jon said she could keep.

  
-

  
She was awoken to a hand shaking her shoulder gently. She groaned, burying her head in her turtle.

  
" _Mija_ (um, I tried looking this word up on google translate, and i didn't find anything, pls tell me if it is a real word???), the sooner you get out of the car, the sooner you can go to sleep in a much more comfortable bed," Lin whispered gently, trying not to sound too harsh or annoyed. Alexia understood. She had mixed emotions. She nodded, and climbed out of the warm car. The winter air blasted onto her face, and she shivered. Her old plaid dress was obviously too light for the freezing weather. (Mr. Lee never really gave her any clothes other than ripped-up dressed that he would find on the street).

  
It was obvious Lin saw her shivering as she walked up the long driveway, because she felt him pull her towards him to keep her warm. She didn't flinch at all, and leaned into his embrace. They walked like that for the rest of the way up the driveway. She noted how it was a pretty decent house, and had a pretty long driveway, if you asked her.

  
They finally made it into the house, and Lin and Vanessa showed her to her room.

  
"Holler if you need anything!" Vanessa joked, though she was serious about the hollering thing.

  
She was amazed at how warm the bed was, and she all but snuggled into the mattress, clinging on to the stuffed turtle. The last thing she saw before she fell asleep for the night was a shimmering ghost, and a freezing hand on her shoulder could be felt. The ghost muttered, "Someday, you will blow us all away." She smiled, then sleep washed over her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uno dos tres cuatro cinco seis siete ocho nueve diez: One two three four five six seven eight nine ten (in Spanish)  
> Mija: Either My girl or My Daughter  
> Sorry I couldn;t seem to find Mija on google translate so idk if it is a word. Please tell me??  
> and a suprise appearance of a certain ghost??? wonder who it could be?? you probably already know lmao  
> once again, thanks for reading!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do I know what a summary is? I don't think so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: SELF-NEGATIVITY, SELF-HARM, AND MENTIONS OF SUICIDE. IF THIS MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE OR UPSET, LEAVE IMMEDIATELY.  
> As always, enjoy the chapter!!

Alexia woke up in a warm bed, and she shot up in confusion. She looked around, and finally gathered her thoughts together. She was at Lin and Vanessa's house. She looked at the clock on her nightstand, and she practically _flipped_. It was 11:00 already! It was a Friday. _Wouldn't she have school?_ Maybe not, since they would have to enroll her in the new school she would be going to. That reminded her of something she really needed to do. Write.

  
She pulled herself out of the bed, and put on a warm outfit that had been layed out. She smiled at the note that had been set with the clothes.

  
_"We thought you would need some more winter clothes, so we went out and bought you some. Jon gave the measurements, so they should fit. Love you! -Lin and Vanessa :)"_

  
She carefully picked up the note, and placed it in a desk drawer. She then looked around to examine the room that had been originally a guest room. The walls were beige, while the floor was just hardwood, along with a fluffy white carpet in the center of the room. There was a white desk, a white dresser, pretty much white everything. She liked the mix of beige and white. Then there was the closet. It was huge. She couldn't understand how you could fill it up (little did she know she would probably quickly fill it up). Then she had the bed, which was all white.

  
She was snapped back to reality when there was a quiet knock on the door. She stiffened a bit, but still opened the door slowly. It revealed a happy Lin. She rewarded him with a weak smile and a pass through the door in return. He walked in and sat on the bed, patting the spot beside him. She cautiously sat down next to him, expecting the worst.

  
"Alexia, the neighborhood kids would like to know if you want to go shopping with them, you know, for more clothes, a phone, stuff like that." Lin offered with a smile.

  
Alexia gaped. Kids wanted to hang out with _her_? She simply nodded, and Lin laughed at the shocked reaction.

  
"Don't worry, they are super nice, and very excited to meet you!" Lin smiled, and pulled her into an embrace. She flinched a tiny bit, but leaned in to the embrace.

  
Suddenly the doorbell let out a loud _ding_ , and Lin raced down the stairs, pulling her down with him. If she rated her nervousness from one to ten, it would probably be an eleven. But when Lin opened the door to reveal multiple kids, that feeling of nervousness was crushed by, well, crushing! There was the most handsome boy she had ever met. He had longer blonde hair than most boys during this time period, he had icy blue eyes, and a great body(tsk tsk ;>). She blushed a bit, and hid behind Lin's back. The boy walked over to her, and she noticed his cheeks were dusted with red.

  
"Hi! I'm John Laurens. You can call me John, though. What is your name?" He said kindly. It was probably the best sound she had heard in her life.

  
"Alexia. Alexia Hamilton. Nice to meet you," She smiled shyly, blushing, and stuck out a hand for him to shake. He took it instantly, shaking it. The blush on her face deepened.

A couple 'oohs' could be heard from the other kids who she learned to be Lafayette, Hercules, Angelica, Eliza, Peggy, and Aaron. Lafayette introduced himself quickly.

  
_"Salut! Je suis Lafayette! C'est tellement sympa de vous rencontrer."_

  
"Lafayette, not everyone can speak French-"

  
 _"C'est bon. Je m'appelle Alexia. Ravi de vous rencontrer."_ Alexia spoke quickly.

  
Everyone stared at her with wide eyes, and she decided her shoes were more interesting than people.

  
 _"Tu parle français?"_ Lafayette asked in pure shock and glee.

  
"Yes. It is my first language. My mother spoke it..." She whispered, and she stiffened a bit.

  
Lin was the first to speak after the long silence of just staring, Alexia obviously uncomfortable. "Alright, well have fun you guys!" Lin smiled, practically having to push Alexia out the door.

  
They had walked to the mall, with it being so close. Suddenly tiny white flakes of frozen water began to fall from the clouds, and she looked up curiously. One fell on her nose, and melted into freezing water.

  
"You've never seen snow before?" John asked, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. If her cheeks weren't red already, they were now.

  
"No. I lived in St. Croix, and it never snowed there. Oh my god, I just blurted that out-"

  
He put a finger to her lips. "Shh. It's ok. Alexia, I like you a lot," He joked (little did she know he was serious), and he winked. She giggled, blushing. She liked this John Laurens as well.

  
-

  
They finally made it to the mall, and they were quickly buying clothes, a phone, and a laptop. She gaped at the price when they all got to the cash register.

  
"Guys, that is a lot of money. Are you sure I need-"

  
"Of course you need it! Lin said we can spend as much as we need to," Peggy said quickly.

  
Before she knew it, she was walking out with one of the newest iPhones', a laptop, and more clothes and school supplies than she could count. Looks like it is possible to fill up that closet. She hugged her coat closer as the snow was now turning to rain. She attempted not to panic, as the last time it rained this hard, the hurricane killed everyone she loved.

  
She got into the car, and was silent the entire ride. John didn't push her about it, which she was grateful for. All she could think about was the rain. _What if the hurricane comes back to claim Lin, Vanessa, and all my friends?_ She guessed she could consider them friends now. _What if I have a panick attack right in front of Lin, AGAIN?_  
She would not let that happen. They would just send her away, like all the others did. They would kick her to the ground and laugh as she screamed after each clap of thunder.

Then they would call her pathetic, not being able to handle herself. But they were always right, she knew that. She knew that she was just a pathetic burden that no one would ever love.

  
She was to lost in her thoughts to realize that John was shaking her shoulder gently. She flinched away. She hated the pity that she could see in John's eyes. But she couldn't help but stare into his icy blue eyes as she climbed out of the large car. She pulled the hood over her head when more freezing rain poured onto her head. She would get through this.

  
-

  
She made it about an hour through the rain without having a panic attack. But then there was a boom of thunder. A loud one too. She looked up from her newly set-up phone, and jumped. She could see the tree leaves blowing across the sky. She dropped her phone, raced into the bathroom, and locked it. Another loud boom of thunder, and she screamed.

  
She could hear feet racing up the stairs, and she curled in on herself. Memories of Mr. Lee's feet pounding up the stairs flickered across her mind. She screamed when someone was shouting from outside the door. She would be punished, she knew it. Darkness began to envelope her eyes. She blinked her eyes, trying to keep herself awake.

  
The door flew open, and her head shot up. There was a frantic Lin there, and guilt pooled in her stomach. The only thing she ever did was make people scared and upset. It was her specialty, but wasn't a great quality. She began to sob quietly, burying her head in her knees(not in a sexual way dont kill me, you know what i mean). She felt Lin embrace her, and she continued to sob, suprised he wasn't beating her senseless. She lifted her head, and looked up at Lin with blurry eyes.

  
" _Mija_ , I'm not going to hurt you because of this. I would never hurt you. You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life," Lin cooed, running cool fingers through her hair. She sniffled. She didn't believe any of those words.

  
"How can I believe that when all I've ever been called is a pathetic, which is totally an understatement. I'm more of a burden. Everywhere I go I cause destruction. I'm the reason my father left, my mother died, my cousin commited suicide. Will it ever stop? Just send me away..." She sniffed, blinking tears away. Lin gave her a shocked expression.

  
"I always ruin everything! Do you not see that? I'm wasting your time. You could be at your show right now, but no. I forced you to stay so that you could just waste your time. Have a goodnight, Mr. Miranda." She stood up arubtly, storming out of the bathroom, and slammed the door on her way out.

  
She threw on a coat, and pulled on a ratty pair of shoes she had since she was 11. No point in putting anything fancy on. She quietly snuck down the stairs, and threw herself out of the door. She slammed it, and began to run as fast as she could down the sidewalk. She tripped after a bit, and scraped her knee a bit. She got up, and tried to ignore the blood dripping out of the scrape.

  
She finally made it to the woods, her vision still blurry from tears. She leaned against a rough tree, which scraped her already bruised back up. She pulled out a small knife, and dragged a large cut through her wrist. It hurt so bad, but it was nothing compared to the pain she has felt before. This would end her misery.

  
She hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry not sorry  
> soon there will be fluff, i promise  
> thanks for reading. this chapter was a little rough to write.  
> Mija: Either My Girl or My Daughter  
> "Salut! Je suis Lafayette! C'est tellement sympa de vous rencontrer.": "Hi, I'm Lafayette, it's so nice to meet you."  
> "C'est bon. Je m'appelle Alexia. Ravi de vous rencontrer." :Its good. My name is Alexia. Nice to meet you.  
> Tu parle français?:You speak French?  
> I got this off of Google Translate, don't kill me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is the point of spoiling it for you? You can just read it yourself to find out what happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: SELF-NEGATIVITY, SELF-HARM, AND ABUSE (HITTING, CHOKING, ETC.) IF THESE THINGS MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE AT ALL, LEAVE IMMEDIATELY.  
> As always, enjoy!

Alexia stayed awake that entire night. She cut herself endlessly, making large gashes along her forearms. She didn't care anymore. She wished she could end it all, make it all disappear. She wished she had never been born. She wished a lot of things, to be honest. The guilt would pool in her stomach, and she wished she hadn't run away, or exploded on Mr. Miranda. She couldn't bare to call him 'Lin' ever again. He was just going to send her away once he found her. Or beat her into unconsciousness. Or rape her until she was screaming for him to stop. That's what all the other homes did.

  
She was snapped awake when she heard snickering coming from her left. She turned her head, but she wished she hadn't. There was Mr. Lee, smirking, and walking towards her. She totally forgot that he took one of those middle-of-the-night strolls through the woods. Now she remembered all too well.

  
_"Be a good girl for me and behave while I do my usual night stroll." Lee smirked. "Yes, sir." Alexia muttered, not looking at him. The unexpected response earned her a slap to the face._

  
"Well, well, if it isn't my little slut. What did he do, throw you out so you could fend for yourself? Not suprised, as you are a slut. Tell me, how many times have you spread your legs for-" Lee snickered, but was soon cut off by a fist to the jaw, which she herself threw.

  
That was definitely a mistake. Lee instantly threw her to the ground once again, and all she could feel was pain around her neck. She was then picked up, and pinned against the tree she had been leaning against earlier. Nails could be felt digging into her skin. She screamed, kicking her legs at him, but with no luck. The grip on her neck tightened, and she was now choking.

  
"Hope to see you soon, slut." He bellowed, and dropped her.

  
Her vision was blurry. She suddenly heard frantic shouting, and footsteps rushing towards her. But she drifted out of consciousness, and hoped that this might be the end of it all. She would have to thank Mr. Lee.

  
****

  
When Lin got the call, he froze. He had been forced to go to his show, as he had been out for a couple of days now. It was the middle of the night, and he had just finished. Now he was being told that they had found her, but she was on her way to the hospital? He couldn't help but let out a tiny sob.

  
"What happened to-" Lin tried, but there was sudden screaming in the background, which he could only identify as Alexia's. His heart dropped.

  
"Oh my god; Alexia is screaming and crying and I don't know what to do!" He heard Phillip Schuyler whisper. Now the only things he could hear was the screaming and sobbing.  
Phillip hung up, and Lin's heart shattered. He could not believe this. He ran to his dressing room, and slammed the door, locking it. He ripped off his clothing hoping none of the seams ripped. None of that seemed to matter anymore as he threw (not literally) his clothes on, and practically threw himself out the door. Daveed (omg my friend saw him the other day and i almost cried) must've heard, because he was rushing to Lin in no time. Lin's vision was blurry from tears.

  
"Lin, what is wrong?" Daveed asked. Obvious concern floated in his eyes. Lin hated that he was being pitied when Alexia was the real one in danger.

  
"Well, you know that girl I am fostering? Well she ran off a bit before the show. I tried looking down the street, then had some neighbors go and look for her, and she was found but now she is going to the hospital," Lin explained quickly, trying to get out of there as soon as possible.

  
"Well, you are in no state to drive, so I will drive you to the hospital," Daveed offered, though it wasn't a question, and grabbed his cars keys.

  
Lin just nodded, grabbed his stuff, then let himself be dragged out of the theater with many concerned eyes on him. All of the staff stared on as well. Phillipa Soo ran up to him, and asked what was wrong. He explained again, and she stated that she would come to meet this girl aswell, which was not surprising. Lin didn't really care. He just wanted to see his daughter.

  
-

  
Lin raced through the hospital doors, Phillipa and Daveed on his toes. Horror radiated off of him when he heard another shrill scream, similar to that of the one he heard during the phone call. He rushed up to the front desk, panick swelling up.

  
"Lin-Manuel Miranda, I'm here for Alexia Hamilton. I need to know if she is alive-"

  
"Sir, she is stable right now. She may have to be sedatated, due to her screaming. You can come see her, but be warned about screaming, and the sight you are about to see." The secretary told him, and he only nodded. He didn't care what she looked like. He just needed to know if she was alright.

  
He was rushed to the room where his daughter lay, and relief flooded over him. Not that she looked ok, but at least she was alive. He sat down next to her, and held her small hand. She must've noticed his hand, because she turned her head around. He smiled, and ran a few fingers through her hair. He wasn't mad at her. Not at all.

  
"I thought you hated me," Alexia croaked. He felt his heart shatter into a million pieces.

  
"Of course not. I love you with every bit of my soul," Lin whispered, and when Alexia began to cry, his heart fluttered. Not that it was ok that she was crying, he was just relieved to have her back. In the background, Phillipa and Daveed could be seen watching the precious moment that he was having with his daughter.

  
He now considered her his daughter, and he loved her so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im tired. i need sleep. There will be no posting until Saturday, as I have major state testing. Lord help me. Leave Kudos and comments, it's what motivates me to keep going!!  
> As always, I can only pray that you enjoyed!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be a shorter chapter. As always, I hope you enjoy!

Alexia was ready to go home after a day in the hospital. She only had a total of two panic attacks, which was a new record for her. She had met Daveed and Phillipa, who seemed really nice. Even Jon had come to visit, which she was happy about. She had almost thrown herself out of the bed, but had to be held down by Lin. She had whined a complaint, but was still Satisifed (cough notice how it is capital cough) when Jon gave her a big hug, and talked to her for a bit. But by the end of the day, the happiness had faded away. She had attempted to take a razor from Lin's bag, and had to be stopped from slicing her already sliced up wrists. She had managed to get it a few times, and there were now fresh cuts on her wrist. Lin had stopped her, and the doctors put her into a medical induced sleep, which she needed badly.

  
-

  
Alexia woke up the next day, and her vision was blurred a bit, probably from the blinding morning light outside. She internally groaned, and dug her face into the uncomfortable pillow. Her whole body ached, probably from the way she was sleeping. She looked over to see Lin sleeping, and he looked so peaceful. She wished she could sleep peacefully. Everytime she slept, she had some terrible nightmare, whether it be about her mother, her father, her cousin, the hurricane, or all of the foster families, nightmares plagued her sleep. She hoped she didn't mumble in her sleep. Then way too much would be revealed.

  
She was snapped from her thoughts (i use this phrase way too much im sorry) when she heard a loud groan come from the seat next to her. She looked over at Lin, who's dark hair was very messy. She giggled at that. Lin sent her a mock glare, which she giggled again at. She was suddenly in a good mood.

  
"Looks like someone is ready to go home," Lin chuckled, and ruffled her hair. She squealed, trying to smooth her now super-messy hair. She would definetely need to shower when she went home. Her hair probably smelled like hospital and forest. She didn't need to be reminded of the previous events by her own hair.

  
"And you don't have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable, but; what happened?" Lin questioned. He sounded genuinly curious, and she sighed.

  
"So I was just kind of being upset, leaning against a tree. Well, I forgot Mr. Lee takes nightly strolls through the woods. So he found me, and practically choked me against a tree, and he dropped me at some point. The rest is kind of foggy, but I went unconscious either from hitting my head or lack of oxygen. Probably both," She spilled out, and before she knew it, she was crying a bit, and Lin was hugging her. She sniffed.

  
"Sorry for asking," Lin whispered calmly, though she could almost feel the anger and horror radiating off of him. Now she felt terrible.

  
A doctor walked into the room with a clipboard, and watched the scene with concerned eyes. She pulled away reluctantly, though she still held on to Lin's hand tightly. She hoped the doctor came in to tell her that she could go home, and not make her stay any longer. She sniffled.

  
"Well, Ms. Hamilton and Mr. Miranda, you are free to go home when you are feeling up to it. But I'd like to have a word with Mr. Miranda for a few moments," the doctor stated, and she looked up with worried eyes. These 'words' could not be good.

  
****

  
Lin's heart was pounding as the doctor pulled him out of the room. The look Alexia had given him when he left was absolutely heartbreaking. She looked so scared, and there was nothing he could do about except reassure her that everything was alright when everything wasn't alright. The words had to be bad enough if the doctor wanted to talk to him about it privately. Hopefully she wasn't sick, or had a terrible medical condition.

  
"Mr. Miranda, we looked at her history, and it looks like she has a history of migraines. A total of four of them have been severe enough to have her in the hospital or urgent care. She is also very malnutritioned, so she should start eating three meals a day," The doctor said sadly, and he could see the pity in her eyes. He hated it.

  
"O-Ok. We will make sure she is happy and healthy shortly," Lin stuttered, though he meant those words. He would do all that it takes to make this girl enjoy her life again, even if it took a month, or a year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the shorter chapter! School should be next maybe? It took so long to the point of listening to some of Amelie, all of Heathers, and some of Dear Evan Hansen. Help me.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I've been slacking off, which I'm really sorry ab. Hope this makes it up for you guys! As always, enjoy!

Alexia's heart pounded as Lin entered the room without the doctor. What was that  _talk_ about? Was something wrong with her? Did they tell Lin about the migraines? She didn't want to tell Lin about the migraines. It would make him worry more. Her breathing began to quicken, along with the beeping of the heart monitor that she was still hooked up to. Lin gave her a frantic look before he began to count.

"Uno dos tres quatro cinco seis siete ocho nueve diez. Shh,  _mi hija_ , nothing is wrong with you. Nothing that we can't handle," Lin sighed, looking up at her with warm eyes. 

She smiled a bit as her breathing slowed down back to a normal pace. Another thing she loved about Lin was the fact that he always knows how to calm her down. That would definitely be good for the long run, considering that she will have many more panic attacks to come. But she'd have Lin and Vanessa with her (Vanessa is on a business trip rn). That was all that mattered to her.

She hugged Lin, who instantly hugged her back. It felt good to be hugged with such love and warmth again. She hadn't had a genuine hug since right before her mother died. But she focused on right now, and stopped thinking about the past. If she was going to get anywhere in life, she needed to stop worrying about her past, and think about the present, and the future. What was held in store for her? Would she die with or without a legacy to live by? Would people be live to tell her story, even after she died?

She was snapped from these thoughts when she heard a doctor talking to Lin, and she realized he had pulled away from the hug while she was thinking. She looked on with wary eyes, watching as Lin packed up the stuff he had brought(it wasn't much). She was then unhooked from the IVs and monitors, and was able to follow Lin out of the hospital room. They got many stares, but two teenage girls glared at her, pretty much saying 'you ruined our chance of a picture with Lin.' And that is what she heard them say.

"Ugh, that slutty girl keeps ruining any chance of taking a picture with Lin," one girl whispered, and she visibly flinched. Lin must've heard it too, because he looked over with angry eyes, though he didn't say anything. It was obvious he didn't want to publicly humiliate Alexia, which she was grateful for. 

She shut the words out of her mind as they exited the hospital and made their way to the car. Another boy that looked about her age could be seen yelling at the girl that had said those words, and then staring at Alexia with heart eyes. She blushed, and looked away. Her heart fluttered. Her heart didn't flutter that way with John. Maybe they weren't meant together. Maybe they were  _meant_ to be close friends. But she shut those thoughts out of her mind, and got into the car with Lin. She stared at this boy once again, and saw that he was staring at the car sadly. Her heart fluttered again.

-

When her and Lin got home, they pretty much just layed around eating chips and binging shows on Netflix. Who knew just relaxing and doing nothing whatsoever could be so fun? She noticed that Lin had fallen asleep, and she could feel her own eyelids drooping. She snuggled closer to him until they were laying on their sides, side by side. She smiled, feeling the warmth radiate off of Lin. She let her eyes fall closed, feeling safe for the first time since before her mother died. She felt Lin wake up a little bit, but was awake enough to know that Alexia was there, and she felt him wrap his arms around her. She snuggled closer to him, and finally fell asleep. 

****

Lin smiled when he woke up a bit after he felt Alexia snuggle up to him. He wrapped his arms around her gently, and waited until he felt her breaths even out to let himself stare up at the screen again. Some show that he didn't know about was on, so it must've come on automatically. He suddenly heard the door open, and looked up to see Vanessa entering the room, and he smiled.

"Hey, 'Nessa," Lin slurred, obviously still dead tired. Vanessa chuckled, took off her coat, and joined them on the couch.

"So, I know you didn't want a puppy, but I got a surprise for Alexia. She needs some kind of companion," Vanessa said quietly, and Lin just nodded. He definitely agreed with her, and he thought that they were ready to have another member of the family, even if it wasn't a human (this is a universe where Sebastian doesn't exist yet). 

At that moment, Alexia awoke, even though she only slept for like five minutes. She looked around, and lit up when she saw Vanessa. He thought it was adorable, and he smiled. 

"Hi M- Vanessa," Alexia said, and Lin looked at her in a bit of shock. She had almost said 'mom' but stopped herself. He didn't mention it, he didn't want to provoke any emotions.

"Hi Alexia. I have a surprise for you, if you want to see it," Vanessa smiled and winked, and Alexia nodded eagerly. Lin smiled and chuckled. 

Vanessa brought in the box, and placed it on the couch. Alexia crawled over to the box, and pulled off the lid carefully. A little brown puppy leapt out of it and licked her face. Lin laughed as Alexia squealed.

"A puppy!" She squeaked, and Lin laughed again. 

"You can name it whatever you want," Lin said, and smiled when Alexia picked the name 'Tobi'. Cute. 

He didn't think he could love her more than that. But he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!! Leave comments and kudos, it motivates me to keep going even through hard times.   
> NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE SCHOOL I PROMISE. LETS UST SAY SHE ALREADY GOT ENROLLED, SO YEAH.   
> Uno dos tres cuatro cinco sies siete ocho nueve diez: one two three four five six seven eight nine ten  
> Mi hija: My daughter


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't get used to getting updates twice in a row. I had a little thing called motivation. And I was bored.  
> We'll find out who that boy was in this chapter ;)  
> TW: Sexual language.  
> As always, enjoy!!

Alexia was absolutely  _ecstatic_. She would finally be able to go to school. After a week of trying to convince Lin and Vanessa that she was healthy enough to go to school, she would be heading there tomorrow. 

Tobi seemed to sense her excitement, because he wagged his tail and gave her a dumb puppy expression. She picked up Tobi, who was having quite a hard time getting on to the bed that she sat on with her notebook. She carefully set Tobi down, then went back to writing in her new notebook with her fountain pen. John had gotten it for her when they had gone to the store last Friday. 

_"Maman, I'm finally going back to school! Can you believe it? I also got a new puppy, his name is Tobi. He is a chocolate Lab. He is so cute._

_Lin and Vanessa are really nice people. Even when I ran off, they loved me and didn't yell at me :). I'm starting to love life again. You would be so proud of me!_

_But you will always hold a special place in my somewhat hollow heart. Love you Maman."_

Alexia smiled as she wrote down those few sentences. Funny how little sentences could make such a huge impact. 

She was startled when she felt two arms wrap around her, and she smiled at Lin. 

"You excited for school,  _mi hija_?" Lin questioned, though he probably already knows the answer.

"Of course I am! It keeps me busy," Alexia stated, closing her notebook.

"Looks like you've been writing  _non-stop_ ," Lin smuggly grinned, and Alexia groaned.

"Oh my God. I bet you're  _Satisfied_ with those Hamilton references," Alexia grinned, and Lin laughed.

"You are learning my ways," Lin grinned. 

"Looks like it," Vanessa laughed, walking into the room. "Speaking of school, you should go to sleep. IT's getting late, and you have to wake up quite early tomorrow," Vanessa stated, and Lin nodded. Alexia groaned, but she still nodded her head. 

"Ok, goodnight," Alexia slurred, sleepiness being heard in her voice. 

"Night,  _mi hija_ ," Lin whispered, kissing her head. She smiled, and snuggled into the warm pillows and blankets. Lin switched off the light, leaving Alexia to wonder about this new school, and if she would see that boy that she saw at the hospital.

-

She woke up around 5:00. She was sooo tired, but she couldn't seem to fall back asleep. So she got up, took a shower as quietly as she could, and then threw on a warm outfit. Honestly, she didn't care that she was wearing a comfy pair of PINK (the company not the color pls stop) sweatpants and another PINK shirt to go with it (im obsessed with the company even though i dont wear the stuff. is that weird?). She left her ginger hair down, but brushed through it just a bit (she didn't want to look like a slob). She then wore a pair of UGG Tasman shoes. They were super comfy. She was a comfy person (like me). 

She walked out of the bathroom and out of the room, and she realised Tobi was following after her, as she could hear his nails clicking on the hardwood stairs. She decided it would be best to pick him up, as she didn't want his nails waking up Lin and Vanessa. She carefully tiptoed down the stairs, holding Tobi as he licked her face, and she had to keep back a giggle. She finally made it down the stairs, and there was already coffee and a breakfast sandwhich from Starbucks waiting for her. She smiled, and grabbed it gratefully. Her backpack and supplies were already packed. She must've slept through them coming into her room and grabbing her stuff. Oops. Then she noticed a note, and she grabbed it carefully, as to not rip it.

_"Have a great day at school! We love you! Love, Lin and 'Nessa~"_

She smiled, then looked at the time. 6:13.  _Shit_. Had she taken that long? (little did she know it was barely close to time, but her friends wanted to meet up.) She grabbed her bookbag, and a coat, and then made her way outside.

The cold winter air blasted onto her face, and she shivered. Even the warm coat she had on and the warm clothes underneath couldn't keep her warm. She was so used to it being warm that this kind of shocked her a bit. She walked down the sidewalk. She walked to school, like most of the people in this neighborhood. She kept walking, until she heard a voice behind her, and she turned around to find Lafayette, John, and Hercules racing up to her.

" _Mon ami!_ I bet you're, how you say, excited, yes?" Lafayette said. 

"Laf, we know perfectly well that you know how to say 'excited'. But yes, I am excited," Alexia smirked, and John and Hercules snickered. 

"Well, someone gave us your schedule, so here you go. I get to show you to your first class, since we are all in it," John laughed. Alexia took the schedule gratefully, and looked at all the classes.

"My first class is debate. I better to be ready to argue, then," She sighed. She loved to argue with people (me-), but why that early in the morning? She suddenly realised she was still holding the sandwhich, and she threw it at Hercules. "You can have it. I'm honestly not even hungry," Alexia laughed when Hercules ate it without thinking twice. She took a sip of her coffee, and snickered when everyone still looked dead tired. 

Eventually, the Schuyler Sisters joined them on the walk, and all the sisters were drinking morning Starbucks as well. All the boys groaned, needing coffee terribly. The girls weren't giving up their coffee. They needed it aswell.

"Ladies first," Alexia said, and all the girls snickered. They finally entered the school, and Alexia was met with clean lockers and shiny floors and walls. A lot cleaner than her other schools.

She easily found her locker, and was delighted to find that it was next to Peggy's locker. Then they all met up at John's locker, and the sisters seperated fro the group to their other classes. There were a few stares, and even a few people came up to her and introduced themselves. She could even hear her name being whispered down the halls as she continued her way to her class. She then sent a glare at the three boys, who scratched the back of their necks nervously.

"You're lucky you are my friends. How much did you tell the whole entire school?"  She hissed, and John laughed nervously.

"How great and smart you were. That's all," Lafayette said, holding up his arms in fake defeat. Alexia laughed. 

-

They finally made it to debate, and her heart dropped. The boy that she had seen at the hospital was there, and he looked just as shocked. He abandoned the people he was talking to, and walked up to her.

"Thomas Jefferson, pleasure to meet your aquaintence," Thomas smiled warmly, and she shook his hand, blushing a bit. She noticed the hint of jealousy in John's eyes, but she honestly couldn't care at this point. 

So, debate began, and there topic was the issue of immigration. Thomas had obviously noticed when she visibly flinched, because he smirked a bit. She frowned, and glared at him. The smirk dropped, as if saying 'dammit im gonna screw this up'. IT started out small, as if they were in a normal conversation. Then Thomas made a joke about how immigrants were stupid, and her vision practically went red. She began to scream, anger boiling inside her stomach. How fucking  _dare_ this random boy make  fun of immigrants? There was nothing wrong with immigrants at all. Maybe he meant there was something wrong with  _her_. 

The teacher, Mr. Washington, had to practically drag the two apart, and Alexia excused herself to the bathroom. Right before she left, she saw the guilt in Jefferson's eyes.

-

She made it the rest of the day without further incident. She purposely avoided Thomas in the halls and in her classes, which he was in most of them. 

She walked home, not speaking a word. Everyone had found out what had happened eventually, and she was thrilled to know that Jefferson had recieved many glares from people in the halls. When she had gotten home, she explained what happened to Lin and Vanessa, who looked shocked and upset. She ran up to her room, and slammed the door. It had been a terrible day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Leave comment and kudos, it motivates me to keep going.  
> IF anyone has any ideas for another fic, whether it be part of this story or a whole other thing, comment it! I'm not abandoning this though, this is one of my favorite fics besides my first one. ;w;  
> mi hija: My daughter  
> Mon ami: My friend  
> Sorry, I rushed through at the end, because my mom was telling me to Take a Break (reference) and go to sleep. Sorry ab that!


	8. Temporary Hiatus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im rlly sorry

Hey guys! So as you can see, I suddenly became inactive. The reason for that is that I have finals, and I need to study if I want to pass. So this particular fic will be going on a temporary hiatus. I think I may be able to start back up again next... Thursday, I believe. That will be my first day of summer. I might post one chapter stuff, but that will be it. I cannot handle a multiple chapter story during this time. I'm so sorry about this. Thank you for reading so far, it makes me really happy! 

Your Obediant Servant,

-Emily <3


	9. Chapter 9 (actually a chapter i promise)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the hiatus has ended, as I just got out of school today. thank you for your patience. this took a while to write, but I'm happy with it.  
> tw: self harm, self negativity, and hateful immigrant talk (mentioned). if this upsets you or makes you uncomfortable at all, leave immediately.

Alexia sat in her room that night, staring at the razor on her end table.  _ I promised I wouldn’t cut. I promised, I promised, I promised… _ She sighed, and picked it up. She knew that it was stupid to cut herself over a stupid joke, but it still hurt.  _ You’re pathetic. Useless, slut, daughter of a whore, Lin doesn’t care,  _ a tiny voice told her at the back of her brain. That triggered her to press the sharp end of the razor to her pale skin, and she left not deep, but long scratches along her forearm. Blood dribbled out of it slowly, and she watched as it began to drip onto the hardwood floor (she had made sure to stay away from her carpet and bed). 

She suddenly heard feet walking down the hall towards her room, but she didn’t care. She stared blankly at the razor. Then reality began to dawn into her, and she began to sob. She held her bleeding arm, and watched as more blood oozed out of it. She heard the door open, and a tiny gasp. She turned her head around to find Lin rushing towards her, and she sobbed even more. Tears mixed with blood, which wasn’t the prettiest sight. 

“Oh Alexia,” Lin whispered, and more tears slid down her red cheeks. 

“I’m pathetic,” Alexia whisper-sobbed. She looked up to see Lin with broken eyes. “Look at that, I’ve already made you upset.”

“No, of course not,  _ mi hija _ ,” Lin cooed, sitting down next to her carefully and wrapping bandages on her arms. Alexia flinched a bit from the pain, but she deserved it. “All better. Alexia, promise me you won’t do that again,” Lin sighed.

“I-I promise,” she sobbed, and Lin hugged her tightly. 

She broke down into more sobbing, and stayed like that, curled up on the floor, for the rest of the night. Somewhere along the line, when they were both half-asleep,  Vanessa separated them and forced them to go to bed. Alexia fell asleep in no time. Hopefully tomorrow would be better.

-

Alexia woke up, and she sighed. It was still pitch black outside, and she didn’t feel like getting out of her warm bed. She also didn’t want to face Th-Jefferson again. 

She climbed out of bed reluctantly, put her hair in a quick ponytail because she did not feel like taking a shower, and threw on a pair of jeans and a random shirt, making sure it was one that covered her wrist. She didn’t care at this point. She then threw all her stuff in her bookbag, grabbed her coffee (they got it again?), and headed out the door. She gave a weak smile to John, who was waiting for her, along with Hercules and Laf. But during the whole walk, she stayed silent, not wanting to speak. They seemed worried about it, but they didn’t push it. When the sisters joined, they gave her a look that said, ‘we will kick thomas’ ass’, and she smiled a bit. She knew that the sisters would always have her back.

-

They finally made it to school, and she was already dreading first period. She thought about ditching, but Lin would probably beat her ass if he found out she was ditching. Yes, she trusted Lin, but she could never shake the feeling off that he might do something. She didn’t want to find out if he was like the other foster families. So she would just go, and just not volunteer to debate. It was worth a shot. 

Ok, so debate went better than expected. At least, at first it did. She didn’t have to debate. It seems as if everyone in the class was staring at her with pity, and she sent them all a harsh glare. Especially Jefferson. He looked away immediately, and she felt pretty Satisfied (ref cough cough). At one point she did debate James Madison, who seemed way too shy to be on a debate team. Whatever, he can go run to his mommy after this. She honestly didn’t give a fuck. 

Many immigrant comments were made, and she didn’t panic when any of them were made. She had to keep herself together if she was going to have a chance in this school. 

“God, maybe if you hadn’t come to Lin you wouldn’t be here, and everyone would be happy. Especially Lin,” Samuel Seabury shouted, and she stared at him blankly.

“I already realised,” she muttered, and the whole room went silent. She sat down at her seat, and made sure to tug down her shirt sleeve. She couldn’t let anyone see how utterly pathetic she was. Mr. Washington must’ve noticed a scar right before she tugged down her sleeve, because worry pooled in his eyes. The bell suddenly rang loudly, and she already knew what it was about when Mr. Washington approached her gently.

“Alexia, I hope you’re not cutting. I saw you tugging down your sleeve for no reason,” Mr. Washington whispered, eyeing her arm. She sighed, and pulled down her sleeve to reveal webs of scars on her arm. Some were fading, others were recent. She cut almost everyday.

She heard a gasp come from Washington, and she sighed.

“You wanted to see it, there you go,” She sighed, her face darkening. She teared up a bit, a few tears flowing freely down her face. Mr. Washington wiped them away gently.

“Go to the bathroom and calm down, then head to class. I’ll give you a late pass,” Mr. Washington stated, quickly writing a pass for her. She walked towards him quietly, grabbing the pass and thanking him. She made sure to tug down her sleeve once again as she raced down the hall into the bathroom. She stayed in there until her face was no longer red for the most part. She was always so incredibly pale that if her face was red at all, anyone who knew her would know she was crying. She then headed to class, eyes still a bit wet.

-

The rest of the day went great, actually. She made up with Jefferson, surprisingly. By the time school was over, she had forgotten the incident from this morning. She wished everyday could be like this. Thomas walked with her home, both chatting happily. She blushed and giggled multiple times. It was right then and there that she realised that she had a crush on Thomas Jefferson.

**** 

As Thomas walked down the sidewalk with Alexia giggling at his side, it was right then and there that he realised he had a crush on Alexia Hamilton. He loved everything about her. The passion in her eyes when she debated. Yes, she was the only girl on the debate team, but that didn’t make her weird. In his mind, he thought it made her brave. She would do great things one day.

He also admired the way she looked. Her beautiful long, ginger hair. Her body in general (;>). He also loved her eyes. He already explained that.

Yes, he was twelve years old, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t date. Just no kissing or anything serious. At most, it would be hand holding and being labeled ‘boyfriend and girlfriend’ .That’s it. He was sure Alexia understood that too. She seemed to understand everything he told her. There was so much knowledge in her brain. She had practically dumped her life story to him, so he did the same for her. She told him about the shitty foster homes, and how she was doing much better with the Mirandas. She rambled about  _ Hamilton _ too. He listened to it all. She had a lot of words in her for such a small body. 

And he loved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed! pls leave kudos and comments, it makes me happy. ive been kind of sad lately, idk why. mostly bc a lot of my friends are moving. :/ if you see any typos, message me and i will glady correct them. i barely read through this.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw for panic sickness, self-negativity, and panic attacks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is rlly sad shit bc im sad

The rest of the week went like that. She still walked to school with her friends, and then she walked home with Thomas. It was a perfect pattern for her, and all of her friends, “got their fair share,” as Laf liked to put it. Her first week of school was perfect, and she couldn’t wish for better. Little did she know, this was going to be one rough weekend for her. 

-

She woke up with a groan, the sunlight practically blinding her. She also felt extremely nauseous (why is the spelling so freaking complicated).  She looked at the clock that was on her nightstand and groaned when it said it was only 8:45. Whatever. She was wide awake now, and even if she wasn’t she still wouldn’t have been able to get back to sleep. So she climbed out of bed reluctantly, took a hot shower, and just got ready in general. Not like she had anything to get ready for, but might as well be prepared. 

She looked at the new bandages on her arms. Well, not exactly new, she had them put on yesterday. But newer. She was gently unwrapping the bandages when a sudden wave of nausea hit her, and she made it just in time to the toilet before retching up everything she had eaten the previous night. Soon it turned into dry heaves, which hurt more than anything (i had a really bad flu in March, sadly. Just like this). She collapsed against the wall, and there was a small knock on the door.

“Alexia, are you okay?” She heard Lin ask from outside the door. She muttered a weak ‘come in’ as she flushed the toilet. The door opened slightly, and Lin looked on with concern. “Did you throw up?” A nod. “Alright, we are going to get you some medicine, then we are going to lay on the couch and watch shitty Netflix movies all day, and sleep for no reason. Sound good?” Lin asked, though it wasn’t really a question. She nodded. She attempted to stand up, but a wave of dizziness hit her, and she collapsed against the wall again. Lin walked over and picked her up with terrifying ease, and carried her downstairs, where Lin placed her on the couch before running to grab medicine and crackers. She flinched at the sight of food, burying her head in the blankets that she was so carefully wrapped in. “You have to eat if you want less pain,” Lin whispered softly. She muttered a ‘fine’ and took a few of the crackers, eating them. Lin put on The Little Mermaid, which she smiled softly at. He was absolutely obsessed with a princess movie. They sat close to each other, her head in his lap. The movie was barely starting when she fell into an uneasy sleep.

****

In the middle of the movie, he heard Alexia’s phone ringing. He quickly answered it himself, and his heart dropped when he heard the panicked voice.

“L-Lin, you guys need to come to the hospital. J-John got into a car accident,” he heard Lafayette quick ramble, and Lin’s heart went out to him. 

“Oh, uh okay. We’ll be there. And don’t mind Alexia’s appearance, she is really sick right now,” Lin whispered, his voice cracking a bit. Laf hung up, but not before asking to tell Alexia not to die, which broke Lin’s heart. He looked at the sleeping Alexia. The poor thing had no clue what was happening. 

He shook her gently, which caused her to wake up quickly. She rubbed her face a bit, looking at him with confused eyes.

“Alexia, we need to go to the hospital, now. John, he got into a car accident,” Lin whispered gently, and the shock and sadness that pooled into her blue eyes broke his heart.

**** 

Alexia’s heart broke when Lin told her what had happened. It felt like her world was falling apart around her. Yet, she still got up, fixed her hair quickly, brushed her teeth, grabbed a coat, and let Lin drive her to the hospital.

When she entered the hospital, they quickly signed in and were immediately directed to a very large room, and there were all her friends waiting for her, teary-eyed. Her breath hitched at the sight of John, and she immediately dropped the coat she was originally holding and rushed to his bedside. John looked at her weakly, smiling lightly. She pressed a tiny kiss to his forehead. She didn’t want him to die thinking there love was gone. She knew they had a connection, even if it was not as big as her and Thomas’. She cupped his cheek gently. 

“I love you,” he muttered weakly, and her heart broke.

“I love you too. Just save your strength and stay alive,” she muttered, not intending to use Hamilton quotes. No one even mentioned it, watching the scene unfold before them. “Un deux trois quatre cinq six sept huit neuf dix,” she whispered, tears freely falling from her eyes. She listened to him muttering the numbers back, and she placed her hand over his heart. “Un deux trois quatre cinq six sept huit neuf dix,’ she repeated, and her eyes widened when he trailed off slowly, and his heart stopped. She stopped counting when he stopped breathing. “John? John! NO!” She screamed, and a sobbed ripped through her throat. She let out another scream. “WAKE UP! PLEASE DON’T DIE!” She shouted, shaking his shoulder roughly. She placed her head on his chest, gripping his shirt tightly with her shaking hand. She felt someone, most likely Lafayette run his fingers through her messy hair. She heard Angelica sob, “he’s gone forever.”

“Why couldn’t forever spare just a minute more,” She muttered, loud enough for everyone in the room to hear. “He was so perfect. I should’ve died, not him. He’s too perfect,” she whispered, running a hand through his bloody hair. 

“That’s not true. John would want you to be happy. He’s in a better-” Angelica started, but was cut off by Alexia’s shouting.

“Who knows what John wants!? He’d DEAD. He’s fucking dead! And it is probably all my fault! If I had been there with him instead of getting my ass sick, he wouldn’t have died. Or maybe I would’ve died instead of him! Why does God do this to me? Rips everything that I love away. And the only thing I did was be a useless asshole that can’t do ANYTHING!” She screamed and sprinted out of the room. The last thing she saw was everyone staring at her with wide eyes.

She heard someone follow after her, and she turned around to see Lin running after her. Her teary eyes widened, her breath hitching. He stopped when he saw her go into major panic mode.

She dropped against the wall, her body beginning to shake violently. Her breathing became ragged. She sat down, putting her head in her hands, letting sobs rip through her throat. She muttered numbers, evening out her breath slowly. When the panic finally passed, she felt Lin pull her up and into an embrace.

“Everything is going to be ok. Just you wait,” Lin cooed quietly.

For a second, she believed that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoyed  
> pls stalk me on my tumblr @lovelyunicornbeauty . im lonely on there lmao


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: self hate, self harm, mentions of suicide, mentions of abuse/rape.

She sobbed as Lin drove her home from the hospital later that afternoon. She sobbed after she had sprinted up to her room, slamming the door behind her.  _ It is your fault he is dead. You should’ve been with him. Then you exploded at Angelica! Hah, you can’t ever control your temper, can you? You useless slut. Everyone hates you now. You deserve to be dead.  _ The voice echoed, and she agreed fully. She deserved to be dead. She crawled into her ‘cut-corner,’ as she now called it. She then found her razor, and mentally debated whether or not she should do it.  _ Do it! Lin doesn’t care! Nobody does. Everybody hates you.  _ She pulled up her sleeve and then stopped. She realized something.  _ You deserve to suffer through the numbness and pain. _ She gently pulled down her sleeve, dropping the razor. She looked up to see Tobi staring at her with wide puppy eyes. She smiled gently, pulling the dog close. Tears welled up in her eyes, and she began to sob again. 

Her phone suddenly started to blow up with messages, and she got up to go look. It was that group chat that Laf had made because “he had nothing else to do.” She read the texts that had been made recently.

_ Baguettelover: alexia r u ok? _

_ spyonetheinside: alexia answer rn or i will personally come to ur house and answer for u _

_ cinnamonroll: shut up guys she is obviously not in the mood _

_ arealangel: yea guys shush _

_ andpeggy: i have a bat and im not afraid to use it _

_ cinnamonroll: stop peggy  _

_ andpeggy: nah _

She threw the phone across the room, thankfully not cracking it. She let out a choked sob, grabbing the razor off the floor. She dragged it across her skin, letting the blood bubble out slowly. She almost gagged. She knew Lin would be upset with her, and she sobbed more.  _ ipromisedipromisedIPROMISEDIPROMISED. _ She suddenly stopped and pulled up the sweatpants that she had on. Her thighs revealed old scars, most fading away, others brand new. She took a deep breath, and carefully spelled out the word ‘useless.’ Then, in another spot, she spelled out the word ‘slut.’ She stopped there. She didn’t plan on committing suicide right after John died. She didn’t want to make her friends suffer again. How would Lin feel? He would be heartbroken if she killed herself. She wasn’t about to hurt him like she did with the other foster families. That’s why she got raped multiple times. She hurt them with her own selfishness, so they got her back, which was only fair. She deserved every minute of it. Every beating, every rape, every hateful word.

A soft knock cut through her torturous thoughts, and she muttered a weak ‘come in.’ Surprisingly, Jon came into the room and looked at her with pity. “Great, am I being kicked out? Knew this was too good to be true,” She whispered, and let out a tiny sob.

“No, of course not!” Jon quickly assured her. She looked at him with confused eyes. “I came to say I’m so sorry about what happened… With John.”

She looked up with surprise. Why wasn’t she being kicked out? She suddenly began to sob once more, pulling the blankets over her head. She felt Jon rub a hand on her back, shushing her softly. 

Eventually, she ran out of tears to cry, and the tiredness she had built up over the day hit her at full speed. She yawned, and Jon smiled sadly. “Get some sleep, Alexia. You’ll feel better.” He then shut off the light, leaving Alexia in the dark. She let out a sigh of relief that she had been holding in. He hadn’t noticed any scars. Haunting images of Jon finding out about her scars and getting angry plagued her mind as she drifted into an uneasy sleep. 

-

_ She opened her eyes to reveal all her friends in a circle around her.  _

_ “Your fault. Your fault. Your faultyourfaultYOURFAULTYOURFAULT.” They all shouted, and she collapsed, sobbing. They were right. It was her fault. Everything was her fault. It was her fault that she got raped, her fault that her mom died, that her father left, that her cousin committed suicide, that the hurricane destroyed her town. HerfaultherfaultherfaultHERFAULTHERFAU- _

She woke up with a scream, tears flowing freely down her red cheeks. The door burst open to reveal a frantic Lin and a startled Vanessa. On instinct, she covered her head with her arms.

“Please don’t hurt me, please don’t hurt me, I’m sorry, it won’t happen again, I-” She frantically whispered, a sob following. Lin looked absolutely horrified, and she gave him a confused look. “Are you not going to hit me? It’s ok, it’s pretty normal anyway,” She said. Vanessa sat next to her but kept a safe distance.

“Sweetie, we would never hurt you. Abuse is not a normal thing, and won’t ever be. We promise that whatever has happened to you will not happen to you here,” Vanessa whispered, slowly inching towards her. She looked up at Lin to see him crying. She got up instantly and hugged him. She felt him stiffen for a second, before hugging her back tightly. She sobbed, gripping his shirt tightly. Vanessa joined in, and she felt tears drip down onto her shirt.

Everything would be ok. It would take time, but it will be ok.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoyed. sorry for the long wait, kind of. im just not rlly in the mood. go hit me up on my tumblr @lovelyunicornbeauty  
> im slowly losing inspiration for this. im probs gonna wrap it up soon, but i dont rlly know. if u have any ideas for this story, please tell me on tumblr. im lonely on there :/


	12. Chapter 12: (unfinished but I need to post something)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. As you know, it's been months since I've updated this story. Maybe it's because I've lost all motivation to write this. Or that I have ideas that take place after this story. Let's be honest here. I've lost motivation to write in general. I have so many ideas, yet the moment I get into that Google document, my mind goes blank. And now I feel like I've let everyone down. I'm not as into Hamilton as I was before. I'm into musicals like dear Evan Hansen, bmc, stuff like that. I hope you understand. This is a chapter I've been writing for a couple months now, doing small pieces of it every couple weeks. It's unfinished, and maybe one day I will finish this chapter. But for now, this is what you're getting. I'm sorry I can't think of anything. The next chapter will be the last chapter, before I start taking requests for one-shots for this series. Thank you.

“Alexia, please eat something. You’re gonna starve,” Lin pleaded, his voice full of pity. She glared.

It had been a week since John’s death, and she hadn’t eaten a drop of food. She just wasn’t hungry. Honestly, who could blame her?

“A girl can wish,” she practically whispered, looking away as tears built up in her eyes. She could feel the sadness radiating off of him, and she hissed. “Leave me alone.”

“I won’t leave you alone until you eat someth-”

“Will you actually stop? Like, please. I don’t need your pity, and I don’t need your care. God, I should’ve just stayed with the Lee’s, they’d be beating me instead of trying to care for me!” She shouted. When she realised what she just did, her face immediately paled. She leaped out of the chair, and sprinted up the stairs, slamming the door when she reached her destination.

Would this ever stop? The pity, the care, it was overwhelming. No one had ever done anything like that for her before. Though she’d never admit it, she was glad that she wasn’t at the Lees. She never wanted to see that man’s face again. Or his wife’s. The mention of Lee’s wife brought back some memories she’d rather forget. 

_ “Hah, you’re such a little whore, did you know that. A weak, pathetic slut. Can’t even handle a headache,” Christine (the wife) cackled, kicking her in the shin. That caused her to fall over, and she let out a choked sob. Both the Lees laughed, kicking her into unconsciousness. Her head pounded harder and harder.  _

Her breath was hitched, and she let out something familiar to a strangled laugh. She deserved it all. They were right. She was pathetic.She was a uselesspatheticslutwhoreweakworthlessfake-

There was a sudden knock on the door, and she instantly gasped. She rushed into the corner of the bathroom, and curled into herself. She ignored the increasing intensity of the knocking and the worried voice outside the door. Her throat was closing up, she couldn’t breathe, she needed TO BREATH- 

“Alexia, please open the door! I promise I won’t hurt you!” Vanessa whispered frantically, and she sobbed. That was an empty promise. That is what they all said. She coughed, frantically counting numbers in her head. Fortunately, the more she counted, the slower her breathing got. But she was scared she was going to get hit, or even worse, going to get kicked out. She had disobeyed Lin, and she deserved to be punished. She always did. 

Somehow, Vanessa picked the lock, because when she looked up she found Vanessa kneeling in front of her, her face the definition of worry. She rubbed her eyes, desperately trying to make the tears go away. 

“Alexia, calm down. Lin and I are not mad, we promise,” Vanessa tried, but her breathing was still coming out in short pants. “Tell me five things you can see.”

She had never done this before, but it was worth a shot. “You, the floor, my hands, the toilet, my tears in my eyes.”

“Four things you can feel?”

“My clothes, my tears, the floor, and your hand,” she muttered, finding out that Vanessa was gripping her hand like a lifeline. She squeezed it gently.

“Three things you can hear?”

“Your voice, my voice, Tobi barking,” She winced at the loud barks coming from downstairs.

“Two things things you can smell?”

“Your perfume, my lotion.”

“One thing you can taste?”

“Tears.” She sighed. Her breathing had evened out, but there were still tears flowing down her cheeks. Vanessa wiped them away gently, and Alexia put a hand over hers. The touch was rather soothing.

“I promise that we are not mad. Lin and I are just concerned about you and your health,” Vanessa whispered, and she took the words into consideration. She must be right. Lin would have come up and started beating her by now if he was truly mad. Then again, this could be the calm before the storm. She nodded slowly, giving Vanessa a strange look. Vanessa must've noticed, because she sighed. 

“We don't really know all the stuff that has happened to you. Jon said that the list of foster homes you've had in the file are not all of them, and that there are more. So, we have no clue about all of the stuff you've gone through. But what we do know is that whatever happened to you should not have happened. That will never happen here. The most serious punishment you'll ever get is us not letting you walk Tobi,” Vanessa said quietly, and she hugged her. Vanessa quickly hugged her back. After a few moments, Vanessa pulled away. “I think you should go talk to Lin,” she whispered, and her eyes widened. She then slowly got up, nodding.

“Fine, but can you promise that he won't hit me?” She questioned, and Vanessa quickly nodded. If she had paused, she knew Alexia would have gone spiraling back into her panic attack. She slowly walked down the stairs, and let out a breath. She could do this. Vanessa promised that she wouldn't get hurt. Vanessa could be trusted. She entered the room she knew Lin would be in, and Lin instantly looked up, standing quickly. Her breath hitched, and she took a step back. Lin instantly stopped, and sighed. 

“Alexia, look-”

“Lin, I get it, you want to throw me out. I understand, because who would want someone like me. Okay, the point is, I'm sorry, I don't actually want to be with the Lee's because if I was, I'd probably be dead by now. I mean, that doesn't seem so bad my head, but I don't really want to be dead. So yeah, I might as well go start packing, because-” she rambled, but was cut off by Lin.

“We don't want to kick you out, Alexia. We love you, and a stupid little argument isn't going to change that. In your mind death might seem cool, but we do not want you to die. We love you,” Lin rambled, and Alexia began to sob. 

_ Nobody had ever said those last three words to her. Not since her mother died. _

“I-” She took a minute to collect herself, wiping away her tears with her sleeve. She then mumbled, “I love you too.” 

Lin’s eyes instantly went wide, a wide grin spreading across his face. She smiled, before hugging him. Lin hugged her back, and then pulled away.

“Can you promise that you won’t die or leave me?” Alexia whispered, looking up at Lin with wide eyes. 

There was a pregnant pause, then Lin sighed.

“I can’t promise that I’ll be around forever, but what I can promise is that I’ll stay healthy so that I’m around for as long as possible,” Lin answered wisely, and she nodded, satisfied with the answer.

“Well, since I’ve earned your forgiveness, I guess I can finally dump out my life story to you. Hope you have about an hour until your next show, because this will be really long,” She offered, and she instantly noted the spark of curiosity and excitement in Lin’s eyes as he called for Vanessa. But there was also some other emotion that she couldn’t quite identify… Worry? That had to be it. It was as if he was worried about what exactly he was about to hear.

Vanessa finally entered the room, a look that was extremely similar to Lin’s on her face. They’re so alike, she realised, it’s almost laughable. 

She sat down in a chair across from the couch where Lin and Vanessa, and took a deep breath, prepared to ramble for a while.

“You both basically know the basics. I’m an orphan from Nevis, which is in the Caribbean. But you probably already know that. Anyways, life was going pretty good. We weren’t the richest people, but we had enough money to get through. My brother, my father, my mother, and I were all a family at that time. I couldn’t have wished for better. But then my dad lost his job when I was about six, and he started to drink. I was so young, so I didn’t understand what was going on. When I asked James, my brother, why my mother was crying, he just said that I wouldn’t understand. He was eleven at the time, so he understood. A year later, we were dirt poor. My dad was  _ abusing  _ my mother, and me and my brother kind of just stuck to the sidelines. My dad refused to hit us, even when I tried defending my mother from his punches. Well, one day, my dad decided to call it quits, and left me a note saying that he was, ‘going to go find treasure, and that he’d be back.’ He never came back. Skip to two years later, when I was nine. I got extremely sick with some fever that had been spreading through the town. I didn’t think anything of it at first. Then I got worse, to the point where I could no longer get out of bed because I was too weak. Then my mother caught it. I had it worse than her. When we couldn’t afford medical treatment, my brother got medicine. But the catch; Only one of us could have it, since it was only a little bit. At first I refused to take it, insisting that my mother take it. But she gave it to me instead. I got better, she got worse. One day, I woke up feeling so much better, and I was about to wake up my mother to tell her the exciting news. She didn’t wake up.” There were tears rolling down her cheeks now, and both parents gave her looks of pity.  _ Parents? When did I start to consider them my parents? _

“So then me and my brother headed to my cousin’s. Not even six weeks later he committed suicide. We then went to the Steven’s. It’s a possibility that the father, Thomas Stevens, was my biological father, but I don’t know. I looked exactly like my foster brother, Edward Stevens. People thought we were twins. Anyways, things were great. I had a family that cared about me. That didn’t last, though, because nothing good in my life seems to last. About half a year later, a hurricane destroyed my whole entire island, even leveling it. It was terrible. Everyone except for me, Edward, Thomas, and a few other people died. All I could see was just dead bodies floating in the water. That’s why I have panic attacks every time it storms. That little voice in my head finds joy in reminding me that it was somehow my fault that everyone died, that I could’ve done something to help. Deep down I know that it’s not my fault, but most of the time I listen to that voice. It’s practically instinct now. So then I got shipped off to America by a bunch of richies because they found my writing, and they were very impressed. I got this really shitty foster worker, who was in for the money. And so, I was shipped off to my first foster home in America. After that, I had multiple foster homes, many of which were not included in the file. I slowly adjusted to the…  _ unpleasant  _ circumstances of each home. Then I got Jon as my social worker because my other one started to hit me. He’s great. So yeah, that’s it basically,” She finished, taking a deep breath. 

Silence traveled through the room, so far that if a pin dropped, she would be able to hear it.

“Oh my Gosh,” Vanessa muttered, and Alexia took another breath, preventing an oncoming panic attack. “We’re so sorry, ‘Lexia.”

She gave them a confused look.  _ Why are they even sorry? It wasn’t something they could prevent.  _

“Well, I think it was brave of you to tell us all of that. Thank you, Alexia,” Lin declared, hugging her gently before rushing to his office. Vanessa gave her a knowing look.

“What is he even doing?” She asked, the fear of everyone knowing clawing up her throat.

“You’ll never know what that man is doing unless he tells you. But he isn’t going to tell anyone, I know that. Why don’t we just watch movies or something, I never get to spend a lot of time with you,” Vanessa offered, and she took it. 

Her and Vanessa’s relationship was… Complicated to say the least. Vanessa wasn’t home often, due to business trips. She was a lawyer, so coming home late was inevitable. Even with Lin’s shows, she saw him more than she saw Vanessa. She managed, though.

 

\--UNFINISHED--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yo look who is back my dudes. definitely not proud of this but i forgot that the last time i updated was october so here ya go.

She smiled as Thomas combed his fingers through her hair, getting out any knots that were hidden. It was a nice day, so her, Thomas, Lin, and Vanessa were going to the park. The main purpose was to better introduce Thomas to Lin and Vanessa. She could feel him start to braid her hair, and she smiled again. “Wow, a hair expert,” she joked, and Thomas chuckled quietly.

“I watched my mother braid my sister’s hair all the time. I learned a couple of things,” he explained, and Alexia smiled.

Alexia has slowly, but surely, gotten better. She still had her days when she would lock herself in her room, only coming out when she was hungry. There were other days when she would sob and scream, asking for John to  _ come back _ . Those were the worst nights. Vanessa would come into her room, telling her that everything would get better. That it was ok to feel like this. After a particularly bad episode, both Lin and Vanessa insisted that she should go see a therapist. She had objected immediately, but after enough persuasion, she reluctantly agreed. She saw this therapist twice a week. She was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Panic Disorder. She took antidepressants. And slowly, she got better. She wasn’t magically cured, of course, but she felt happy more. She had fewer panic attacks. She wanted to live again.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a hand waving in front of her face. She blinked.

“You good, darlin’?” Thomas asked, a worried look on his face. 

“I’m good,” she answered, a blush crawling up her neck. She always got flustered when he used nicknames for her.

Her and Thomas weren't dating. Well they kinda were, but no one else needed to know that. They did everything a couple would except kiss and… you know what else. But that's besides the point. It was a secret relationship. If she told Lin, the whole world would know by the end of the day. She got enough attention that she didn't want already. She didn't need more. 

An adult ball of energy named Lin burst into the room, and her and Thomas jumped apart, a blush spreading across both their cheeks. Lin gave them a look, then smiled. So much for Lin not knowing. 

“We gotta get going, love birds!” Lin said, and she blushed even harder. Lin knew exactly how to embarrass her. 

“Alright, alright. We aren't 'lovebirds’, for your information,” she muttered, but a smile was on her face. 

Thomas grabbed her hand gently, pulling her outside, where the sun beat down on them. Though it was nothing compared to the Caribbean, she still began to sweat. She used her free hand to wipe the forming sweat off her forehead. 

Thomas looked like he was dead already. That's what being in the North for most of your life does to you.

“If you think this is hot, you should see the Caribbean. It’s ten times hotter than this,” she scoffed, watching Thomas already starting to sweat more than her. Thomas stuck out his tongue at her. She laughed a genuine laugh. 

Before she knew it, they were at the park, and Thomas was already pulling her towards a swing set. 

“You are such a child, and I love it,” she snorted, and Thomas smiled a dorky grin. She found it quite endearing. 

When they got to the swing set, she sat down on the seat, and started to lightly swing. Thomas sat down on the swing next to her, and proceeded to copy her actions. From afar, she could see Lin and V setting up a blanket. 

She suddenly felt like somebody was staring at her, and when she looked around she noticed a boy, maybe 2 years older than her, staring at the light scars on her arms. She sent him a death glare, which sent him immediately turning around.

She found herself staring at her shoes as she swung, face turning red with shame. She could not find any makeup to cover up the scars, so she was forced to keep them uncovered. Suddenly someone was saying her name, and she looked at Thomas, who had a slightly worried expression on his face. 

“Pay him no mind, sweetheart. It’s obvious he can’t show anyone a bit of respect,” Thomas said, glancing over at said boy with a glare. “How about we go to Lin and Vanessa, they probably want to eat with us.”

Alexia quickly agreed, jumping off the swing gently. Thomas took her hand, and they both strolled towards the parents. 

As they got closer, she noticed a nervous energy radiating off of Lin

“Hey Lin, what are you so nervous about?” I asked, sitting down on the blanket.

“Well, I- uh, we need to ask you something very important,” Lin said, and her curiosity peaked. “V and I, we love you so much. We can't remember what life was like without you. I knew from the moment we met at Jon’s house that V and I were meant to be your parents. Which is why I want to ask; Will you let us become your permanent parents?” Lin breathed out. 

Tears formed in Alexia’s eyes, and Lin opened his mouth to say something. Before he could, though, she was jumping up, ripping the paperwork out of his hand. 

“Yes, yes, oh my God a million times yes!” she sobbed, grabbing the pen and signing her name in beautiful cursive. She lunged forward, giving V and Lin a hug. She then turned to Thomas, who held his arms open. She hugged him tightly, wanting to never let go. 

She was finally adopted. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please send me requests for this story. and yes, there will be a sequel, with a character from a different musical joining the family!!  
> some explanations on things:  
> The night Alexia escaped, Lee got in through the window, knowing she could possibly be there.   
> Lee was in the woods right now because he wouldnt be on trial for a while.  
> No, Alexia will not become Alexander.  
> Yes, Lafayette and Hercules will become a couple.   
> Eliza and Maria will become a couple.   
> The sequel will take place two years later.  
> I don't know what the whole "provoke mixed emotions" thing was about.  
> Alexia likes snuggles :)  
> That's all I can think of at the moment, I'm tired™️


	14. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue

   The girl let out a loud sob, violently digging through her drawer. Where was it? She needed it, she  _ needed  _ it. She eventuqlly found a pair of scissors. Those would have to do. 

   She quietly opened the door, listening for talking. Nothing. 

    This was good.

   She closed the door, and quietly made her way to her bathroom, gripping the paper tightly in her hand. She almost tripped over the stool that her dumb brother decided she needed. Oh, what a laugh her family had about that. 

   She entered the bathroom, her breathing slowly becoming ragged. She couldn't breathe, oh my God she couldn't breathe.

    A wave of nausea hit her, and she vomited violently into the toilet. She was still sobbing and panicking. She stood up, ripping the shower curtain over and sitting down in the bathtub. 

-TO BE CONTINUED…-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading :)

**Author's Note:**

> sorry not sorry-  
> idk if i'll keep this up. if no one likes it, then i'll take it down. this is more of a test. leave kudos and comments, i live off of them. criticism is always welcome.  
> Un deux trois quatre cinq six sept huit neuf: one two three four five six seven eight nine


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